RIP Robert Craig

Top Dead Center – III

FELLA

Forget it.  Look.  I have credit cards.  I have checks.  I can leave luggage with you for god’s sake.  I can easily pay.  I’m not out to cheat you.

MYRAS

Ain’t that the first thing a cheater always says.

FELLA

Then just tell me where I can find your payphone.  I can’t seem to get a signal up here.

MYRAS

Ain’t got a payphone.

FELLA

Well then let me use your phone.  I’d gladly pay for the call.

MYRAS

And I’d gladly take it except I don’t keep a phone.

FELLA

You don’t keep a phone?

MYRAS

Never had the need.

FELLA

For a telephone.

MYRAS

Never had.

FELLA

Brilliant.

MYRAS

I think so.

As charged . . .

Top Dead Center – II

MYRAS

How much money you got?

FELLA

On me?

MYRAS

How much?

FELLA

Don’t you want to find out what’s wrong first?

MYRAS

I thought you wanted to find out what was wrong.

FELLA

Sure.  That’s why I was so glad to find such a top-notch guy right up this old hill.  I just thought that usually the first thing you want to know is what’s wrong.

MYRAS

No fella.  The first thing I want to know is if you got a hundred dollar problem, but can only afford fifty dollars worth of answer.

FELLA

It’s just that traditionally . . .

MYRAS

Traditionally I like to get paid.  Now how much money you got?

FELLA

Sixty-seven dollars and some change.

MYRAS

That’s it?

FELLA

In cash.  I have credit cards.  I have checks.

MYRAS

No help fella.

FELLA

You don’t accept checks or credit cards?

MYRAS

Cash only.

FELLA

That’s pretty remarkable.  For a business today I mean.  Do you realize how much business you’re losing?

MYRAS

How do you realize you lost something if you never had it?

Top Dead Center – I

Scene One

FELLA (off stage)

Hello?  Yeah.  Yeah, it went fine.  What? I. I can’t. Look, I can’t hear. Ok. Look, I’ll be back tomorrow. Tomorrow. No tomorrow.  Damn it.

 

     (FELLA enters, MYRAS is seated)

 

Hey there pal.  You’re open?  You’re open right?  They said, at the diner they said that you’d be open. 

MYRAS

You lost?

FELLA

Lost?

MYRAS

Off course.

FELLA

No. Not at all.  Just getting off the Interstate.  Anyway, my engine light came on.  You know.  The little red light with the little picture of an engine on it?  It came on.  Unbelievable. I have another few hundred miles to go and I figured I better be safe than sorry.

MYRAS

You figured.

FELLA

Yeah. Well, anyway, I need to get back, and they told me at that diner that you would be here.  They said, go see Myras up the hill.  Said you did top notch work.  Top notch they said.

Top Dead Center

 

a one-act play

 

 

CAST

Fella:    Successful executive

Myras:    Small-town auto mechanic

 

TIME

Now

 

PLACE

The yard in front of Myras’ garage.  A lawnchair, a cellular phone, a case of beer, two sections of automobile tail pipe, a mailbag.