Mean Gene

Scene 15

(confessional)

 

GENE

I haven’t done this in a while.  I bet you figured that.  Well.  I been bad enough.  I sold dope to kids and had relations with lots of women, girls really.  That was long ago.

 

I’m trying to sort it out.  I want to do right.  I never hurt nobody on purpose.  I just wanted to have some good times.  Why not, right?  But now.  How the hell?  I never asked for any of this.

 

Is this how it works?  Talk about what a big fuck-up I am and you just sit there in the dark and listen?  Lemme tell you father, nobody really thinks they do anything wrong.  Even when they’re saying it, they’re not really thinking it.  Way back in that high corner of your brain, that’s where the voice is.  The one that says you’re right and everyone else is fucked up.

I got that voice.  It’s big and been calling the shots for me for a long time.  How are you supposed to ignore that voice?  How are you supposed to pretend?  The last time I did this, what was I, twelve?  I made some shit up even then.  I said I wanted my dad to be happy.  To come home happy.

 

You told me to tell you.  That’s what you said.  You said it would make things better.  That I’d feel better.  So I told you and I felt worse.  You said I’d feel better but I felt worse.  How many Hail fucking Mary’s is that good for?

 

(lights dim)